Out of Syllabus 6
Numbness means loss of sensation. Its a state where you got nothing to do. Nothing to think. Nothing to feel. I was numb. I was at a standstill. Everything else in the world around me is moving. As seen in movies. And in the numbness i found a powerful ally- PAIN.
Pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience.I never feared physical pain. I somehow enjoyed pain, to an extend. God also knew this. May be that is why he decided to punish me for my sins with mental pain. Mental pain- I could not bear it. I could not bear the torture.Torture by my ZAHIR. As sting sang- "No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this". The very thought of her turns out to be Pain for me.
But i have to fight that pain. Else i will have to succumb to it. But i was not ready to give up. I sought out a solution. I traveled through the other side of my mind. Through the darker alleys. To say, I was embracing the other side. After wandering lot, i finally found a solution- PAIN. fight pain with pain. Fight mental pain with physical pain. Masochism. That was the perfect solution for numbness. I started torturing myself and i liked it. It helped me to fight my inner terrors. The feel of silky leather on your bare flesh. It kindles your skin. It sets your skin ablaze. The feeling of long nails or sharp blade piercing your skin. To see the red of blood. To feel your bones crushing. Muscles stretching.... Oh it is wonderful. I fought pain with greater pain. I realised, PAIN- pain only can purify you. Greater the pain, purer you become.
GOD- I SERVE YOU MY SKIN, FLESH & BLOOD. TAKE MY OFFERINGS & PURIFY ME FROM MY SINS...
Numbness means loss of sensation. Its a state where you got nothing to do. Nothing to think. Nothing to feel. I was numb. I was at a standstill. Everything else in the world around me is moving. As seen in movies. And in the numbness i found a powerful ally- PAIN.
Pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience.I never feared physical pain. I somehow enjoyed pain, to an extend. God also knew this. May be that is why he decided to punish me for my sins with mental pain. Mental pain- I could not bear it. I could not bear the torture.Torture by my ZAHIR. As sting sang- "No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this". The very thought of her turns out to be Pain for me.
But i have to fight that pain. Else i will have to succumb to it. But i was not ready to give up. I sought out a solution. I traveled through the other side of my mind. Through the darker alleys. To say, I was embracing the other side. After wandering lot, i finally found a solution- PAIN. fight pain with pain. Fight mental pain with physical pain. Masochism. That was the perfect solution for numbness. I started torturing myself and i liked it. It helped me to fight my inner terrors. The feel of silky leather on your bare flesh. It kindles your skin. It sets your skin ablaze. The feeling of long nails or sharp blade piercing your skin. To see the red of blood. To feel your bones crushing. Muscles stretching.... Oh it is wonderful. I fought pain with greater pain. I realised, PAIN- pain only can purify you. Greater the pain, purer you become.
GOD- I SERVE YOU MY SKIN, FLESH & BLOOD. TAKE MY OFFERINGS & PURIFY ME FROM MY SINS...
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